Connection instead of power struggle – even when it’s stormy.
Your child is lying on the floor, screaming, crying, doesn’t want to put their shoes on. You’re in a hurry. Pressure builds up inside you. You just want it to “finally work now”. And this is exactly the crux of the matter: we don’t reach children with pressure – we reach them with connection.
In challenging moments, we often lose contact – with the child and with ourselves. Yet this is precisely when we have the greatest influence: How we react, not what we say.
Here are 5 powerful, bond-strengthening ways to reach your child – even when things are tough.
1. squat down – physically and emotionally
Children need eye level – in the truest sense of the word. If you get down, breathe and say: “I can see it’s difficult for you right now”, you immediately create closeness.
You are then not an opponent – but a safe anchor.
2. mirror instead of instruct
“You don’t want to go, do you?” – Mirroring calms the brain because the child feels seen. You don’t have to approve of the behavior, but you can name it.
Connection is not created through approval, but through understanding.
3. regulate yourself first
Your child can’t calm down if you’re boiling inside. Children regulate themselves through us – not against us.
If you breathe, speak slowly and say to yourself: “I don’t have to control it, I can accompany it”, it will be easier – for both of you.
4. use touch instead of words
Sometimes gestures say more than a thousand sentences. A steady hand on the back, a loving look, an “I’m here” – that creates security when language is no longer effective.
5. after the storm: repair & relationship
When it’s all over: talk to your child. Not to “explain”, but to re-establish closeness. A simple: “That was hard, wasn’t it? But we did it” is often enough to deepen trust.
Conclusion: Proximity is not a vice – it’s the solution
The more difficult the behavior, the stronger the need for connection.
And the more present we are in these moments, the more sustainable the effect of our parenting – not through control, but through relationship.
Would you like to learn how to accompany your child safely in times of stress?
Our courses show you ways to connect more in everyday life – even when it’s stormy.
